Date: 27/01/2005
Day: Thursday
Time: 11.24am
Wah low eh....today kanna from the Lotus notes support personal with regards to the mailbox compacting thing..sianzzz...then make me feeling so the unfriendly towards the two ppl at the notes support side.... maybe they are just trying to follow the rules strictly in getting user to die die must do this.. die die must do that....if neber do this then cannot do that lor....sianzz... I loved doing that to other ppl sometime back... but i stopped it after getting negative responses for ppl.... Maybe i shld try giving negative responses to them see wat can happen....
So sianzzz... saw my results onli got one module under distinction, the rest just pass onli with one grade c and the other pass...so sianzz... i got one grade C... cannot make it sia...lalala
Wah... just saw someones long ago picture... looks so meancing sia...but at the same time beautiful lar... seems to be a pic taken long ago...wat the fish man... if i know how to guide the user to fill in the bloody form for APARD i would have guided him to do so.... here some ppl ask me to refer to trm with regards to APARD... then now u telling me to guide the person by my bloody self.... win liao lor.... a minute ago i was thinking that staying here a bit more long got no problem... but after u snook me again.... i am so going to leave this place.......

Date: 26/01/2005
Day: Wednesday
Time: 5.18pm
Today is the one month anniversary of the Tsunami Disaster that happened off the coast of Indonesia...
Well.... so sianz now..suddenly i regret agreeing not to leave until they have found a replacement for me in this place...cause i was so looking forward to having one or two weeks of leave and stay at home after all the work that i did for the past year or so....had to save all my leave for my exams studying and exam.... that i didnt even take one day leave to go enjoy myself... the onli leave that i took to enjoy myself was a halfday leave to go and eat sushi... hehe
Sometimes i dun even understand why i work so hard for things that wunt get me anywhere nor do i get and advantages out of it...

Date: 25/01/2005
Day: Tuesday
Time: 1.01pm
Yeah.... ps finally replied to my mail after one whole week.... didnt know that it requires one whole week of hard work to come out with a testimonial for someone.... but i am glad that he took that much time to write it... cause it is so absolutely fantastic!!!... best of the best... he managed to bring out the best that i did over there... even though some of the things he wrote there are not very the accurate as i onli did javascripting and some asp coding.... but the way he phrase it is veri the wuu lala!! onli someone like him can smoke such a wonderful thing for me... hehe...i so want to show off the thing to everyone... haha... shld i print it??? hmm....yeah i shld...

Date: 24/01/2005
Day: Monday
Time: all the time
Well.... i wrote something.... but not here at this pc....cause i was sent to Keppel Towers to help out lor... then cant save my words and feelings there.... so bo bian...lalala

Date: 20/01/2005
Day: Thursday(yeah tomorrow is public holiday!!)
Time: 3.00pm
Yeah.... just finished my calls and mails...so now got a little bit of time to write something here...well

Date: 19/01/2005
Day: Wednesday
Time: 11.45am
Wah.... today they interview another person wor.... its a guy... he looks so old...hehe..
i wonder the first impression that i give to other ppl is that i am old.... cause the ppl here managed to guess that i am the eldest in the family..
lala.... mailed ps regarding my testimonial.. he neber reply wor... thinkin he neber recieve the mail or he dun wan to reply to a external unfamilar mailing address..boo huu...want to get testimonial from him also difficult..dunno wat to say also.
Oh no....hehe... suddenly remember that i have to collect my sch books today... then realise that it is not today... its on the 26th...next next wed..sianzz..
lalala.... just had lunch from subway.... kanna bluff..the cashier confused me.. asking me wat drink i wan... ask me wan small medium or large... then i just say coke....cause i thought that she noe i wanted the set... then i happily looking at the cookies wondering which one shld i take...lalala...then in the end when the cashier said.... "5.50 please"... i blur blur just give her 6 dollars and go away..long time no eat subway liao... yum yum...healthy healthy..lalala
wah.... i thought my life was difficult... it seems that jo the life is more diffcult...went for meeting then kanna from the chairman..cause she neber bring the printed notes cause she wasnt informed...the go lunch also neber gio her...

Date: 18/01/2005
Day: Tuesday
Time: 1.06pm
I going to tender my resignation today... suddenly i have no bad feeling for this job... suddenly i feel that its not so bad working here... and suddenly i dun mind shifting from desk to desk...
Isit because i have been sitting on the boss desk for two days straight that i feel more secure. Or isit because i have become more confident of taking up calls.... handling ppl... or isit i am not getting alot of irritating ppl.... to ruin everyones life... Or isit because i am scarded that i cannot get another position somewhere else with this pay that they are giving me...i think that is the main main reason that i am scarded...Money money money money... everything is revolving around money these days...and i have yet to give the monthly payment to dad for the installment of the car...maybe maybe... I simply have no confidence in my abilities... and i doubt there would be anyone who would give me 1.8 again...Sianzz...
But i have already told my boss liao... so i can back out of this liao.... so i will have to learn to my fullest abilities the things that are around here....the things that i can pick up here...i shldnt regret my decision... everything about life is about decision.... if i always regret... how to move on.... just as how i didnt move on earlier while i was in SIA... made me have a lack of adequate knowledge in IT support skills.... so its right... i must move on... move on to another place where i would enjoy myself more throughly...to perform to the best of my abilities... okok... its decided... all uncertainthties would have to be faced with courage...!!! ONWARDS!!!
Wah... so fast wanna interview new ppl liao..... they strong ar....haiyah best..it for their own good also... they better get the infrastructure ready for the new person... otherwise mad again...

Date: 14/01/2005
Day: Friday
Time: 10.54am change to 12.18pm
lalala.... today is friday...yeah yeah!!.. well i have been here for two weeks already and my working enviroment still hasnt improved... as in that i am still moving from desk to desk everyday..
In my first week.. of shifting here and there...i was cursing and swearing and cursing everyday of my life...and now my mood has changed from curse to bo bian...to accepting that i am not going to be able to have any desk assigned to me within month...
I am so comtemplating about wether i shld resign this job or not...since i was so UNHAPPY about it... that now i am a bit used to the enviroment liao..but i still dun like not owning a piece of furniture..blar blar blar... then happily my public enemy no 1 called.... didnt want to pick up the call but everyone else was engaged on the line... so cannot siam siam siam...hear her call already my mood to quit come rushing up again....

Date: 13/01/2005
Day: Thursday
Time: 14.22pm
Its the time again for me to do some typing of words into this fake blog today...no time to write... the end...

Date: 11/01/2005
Day: Tuesday
Time: 12.30pm
haha... this is the second day of the week that i am going to give this job consideration..wether to stay or to leave... that is the question... is this wat i want.... does this place allow me to grow in knowledge and skills...
Well... to summarise the skills that i have learnt for the past one week and one day...i learnt how to pick up calls properly...how not to tell ppl that i am new... how to fake knowledgeable when i dunt know anything... how to eat lunch with myself... how to migrate to a different table everyday... first day sit around....2nd day sit on leader desk.. 3rd and 4th day sit on boss desk... 5th day sit at someones desk... yesterday sit at someones desk then migrate to boss desk...then today.. sitting at boss desk again... Its amazing how i was told to start picking up calls on the second day of work...and giving fake advise to users..lalala...

Location: Office
Feelings now: Now toking to some person called Dorcas Tan... she trying to make the notifications of her lotus notes work properly... last time can work.. now cannot... dunno why... so now trying to get remote access to her pc to help see see wether can help her set set or not...lalalallalalala..four and a half more days till my trial for myself is over... otherwise.... lalalalala... madness to the unemployed..Haizz... wanna chat with someone..but i keep on finding myself complaining whenever i start chatting...then i would feel all depressed about my situation here... i noe that i can learn alot of things here if i have the heart to do so... but then i think that i dont have the heart to learn all these new things because i am trying to resist the changes in my life... the comforts of being the best there was around in the department... the safehouse feeling...haha... now i complaining to the notepad liao...hahaha...

Haizz... today is thursday....my 4th day of work at my new place...
Wanted to put in all my feelings that i had on the first day but was too depressed to do so...

Really miss all my friends at SIA... all the people that i knew... all the ppl that knew me...haizz
Didnt realise how much their companionship meant to me until the very last moment...its as what people says "You dont know what you have until you lose them, so treasure every moment that you have."

Well... speaking about my new place... well... its located in a bank in Suntec... dun think i will disclose the banks name in case i get caught...working as an onsite helpdesk analyst...sounds nice right...."Analyst".. which means to analyse things... yup... and i am so analysing at my workplace... analysing what the heck the caller on the line is thinking....

Everyday i keep on asking myself a few questions "Is this what i really want? Is this what i want to pursue... is this the line of work that would allow me to show my fullest potential..will i shine through like i always do when i am concentrated on my work?? Do i regret my decision to leave SIA at a moment like this? Did i really want to leave SIA? Do i really want to climb up the social and corporate ladder and to rise among the talents??" all these questions keep bugging my mind...haizz...

Long ago while i was in SIA... everytime i kanna from mike.. i would feel like leaving and just leave the work for others to carry... but everytime something would stop me... i think its because i dunt want my friends to get too overloaded... too stressed...too frustrated...so i have always been unable to be successful in my job interviews.. and if i were to be quite successful... so thing would happen and i would lose the job.... haha... its as though GOD knew of the promise that i made to myself that i would only leave after the whole project was over...

But now my heart keeps on telling me to just run away... find somewhere else to hide... this job doesnt suit me.... i am not liked...not welcomed... Its so bad that i feel that i would explode or breakdown anytime soon... I was telling myself a year back that my status in SIA would never move forward... i would never be promoted... there would never be a pay rise...and i want to move to somewhere else where i can be promoted or at least go up one or two levels.. i dunt ask for more nor aspire to become a CEO... i just want to be rewarded for my hard work that i have given to the company...

And now that i have landed in a place where the possibility to move forward.... to be able to be rewarded for hard work... a place where i might get some recogniation... a place where promotion is possible....and i AM NOT HAPPY.... Why am i not happy???

Isit because i dont have a desk that i can call my own.... isit because i dont even have a chair to sit on.... isit because i dont feel welcome to their group.... isit because everyone seems so powerful and skillful.... isit because i dont even get a proper briefing from my boss....nor a proper orientation.... isit because everything is so restrictive... isit because i cant speak my mother tounge to anyone... isit because i was lazying around too much in SIA though i worked as hard.... isit because i dont feel comfortable to new places, new people, new attitudes...isit because there seems to be a lack of belonging that i feel....

WHY AM I FEELING THIS???? I used to be able to adjust... i used to be able to accept changes like the clouds accept the wind... i used to be able to cope with learning new things... i used to be power orientated.... i used to like a challenge...WHY??? WHY?? WHY???

My friends keep on telling me that its going to take sometime before i get used to the enviroment... but how do you get used to an enviroment where there is no proper place for you to work on... no proper place for me to even store my bag nor my cup...my paper, my book, my pens...NO.... i have nonthing.... I finally understand how some of my friends felt during their first week at Sia... but thats all too different too....Sia didnt expect us to work like experts on their second day at work.... didnt expect us not to call ourself a newbie...didnt exert pressure and stress on us..... ARGG.... i feel so depressed..... i am so sinking into depression..... DEPRESSION!!!!... haizz... i better stop this before i become obsessed...... arggggg....

Well... its finally the day... the day that i would be leaving SIA. The day that i wanted a few months back and now i kinda hate wanting to leave.

Went around asking those ppl that i wanna give presents wether they were going to be around on friday so that i can pass to them the presents and informing them of my departure from the company... and i was so sad and surprising to hear how much they wanted me to stay... Sebbie talked to me and asked me why i didnt wanna stay and went on to say how i could be offered a perm position and some scholarship to further my studies...blah blah... Then Devi also talked to me saying sad ps had been feeling after being informed of my impending departure... then she als sy she very sad that i am leaving and asked me why i didnt wanna stay... and that if i continued until march.. it could have given ps ample time to do something for my situation. Then i replied saying that ps had already talked to me about it and that i would definately be back if the opportunity arises... and that the reason that i wanted to leave was that the project have been completed and that there wasnt any more tasks for me to do....Then she told me to relax.. after working so hard for so long.... then i said that if they had told me about their plans earlier, i wouldnt have decided to leave the company.... blar blar blar...hohhoho

After the conversation with devi, i felt so touched that there were so many ppl that actually cared and treasured my existence in the company and they would like me to be around much much longer...if i werent going overseas...hehe..

Then after i went back to my place to do some things... taichi man told me that james was looking for me.... so i was thinking die liao... got problem liao...hehe.. so i called him and he said that he was coming down to look for me.... then he said that he heard that i was leaving on friday and he thanked me for all the work i have done.. all the help and he gave me ten points for my work.... hehe.. feel so proud... nobody has ever graded me before for my work... first time wor... so touched...even james is thankful for my work... haizz...

Why must everyone wait until the last day to appreciate me and thank me for my work... if they had done it earlier... i wouldnt have been in a rush to go..... hohohoho.....

Well...time really flies and it has been two and a half years that i have been in the company working under the flag of SAP data migration..i really miss everyone that has left even though i didnt show it on my face... it was really rare for a big group of ppl with the same ideas, similar backgrounds, and gender to be together working together...still remeber the first time we worked OT we worked until 8pm checking SAMEIS printout.... hehe

I miss wendy, lanxi, shannon, jerlyn, zwin, sarah, siti, siewfong, doris, eslynn, cindy.....the times we shared together be it short or long.... be it best of collegues...or just plain friends..

Haizz... have been crying on the bus trips for this past week... dunno why i feel so sad this time now that i am leaving with no worries and that everyone else that i knew were gone.... dunno why... isit because i know that we would be together seperated and that our fate has ended now and today..... its like god is telling be to be thankful and that you would never step back into Sia for the rest of your life..... its true its true...!!!

ok lar... i need to end this now to give myself time to cry my heart out...and finish writing all the goodbye cards....bye bye!!!

Ooi ooi today is blog updating day..... After an extra long weekend, i returned back to office with work blues and Maple Story withdrawal syndroms... Well... sad to say that even though there was an extra long weekend.... i didnt managed to go out slack with my friends as most of my buddies were having to prepare their Uni exams..... so sad... in the end slack at home and maple all day long....

Den hor.... to kill my boredom away i started to come out with new designs for my webpage incorporating colorful backgrounds and imaging... So far i have published two of my web design works on deviantart. My page is at here. So far i have posted 8 works of mine.... most are coloring work mimiking other ppls styles and ideas... cause i got no creative juices of my own... maybe i could post some of the posters that i made for the D&D and just remove the headings from engineering to something else...and SIA to SAI.... hehe... hmm.. good idea.. wuu huu..

Well.... next week i am gonna tell my boss formally that i would be leaving the company once my current contract expires and i would not extend the contract even if there was a possibility of doing so..... cause SIA has no reasons for me to stay anymore....if i really got yuan to work for them.... fate would decide....lalalalalalalalala..

THE END!!!

Wah.... it has been one week since i updated here.... Well... not much interesting things happened to me for this past week... just that i got addicted to a new online game called Maple Story. I have been playing it for a week or so now... and i have managed to train my Swordsman character to level 23 liao.... so difficult man..... Well... even though i have managed to level up to 23... i abit regret cause i didnt immediately convert from a beginner to a warrior on level 10 cause a didnt know much about the game and anyhow used up my ability points... now everything is moving abit slowly....my leveling is slow and slow and i cant hit those fast moving monsters well...haizz....

Den hor... i feeling a bit bored with my character den i went to create an archer for myself.... wanted to testing wether being an archer character would be more interesting or not.... hehe... den play for a while ok lar.... an archer is only effective with his arrows..at long ranges....DUH.... hehe.... den if got some fast moving slimes in big groups den cannot handle liao.... but den quite interesting being an archer lar....

Den hor.... i went back to my warrior character to do all the quests here and there lor... got one is need to jump through obstacles one to get a specific item.... that one i jump until i want to pull out my hair and bang the table....... it is simply very very the difficult.... play until i wanna ki siao.....but den justice shall prevail.... HAHAHAHA... i managed to complete the quest in a few hours of jumping....well.... so far so good.... hope that i can level up faster in these few days....

And one more thing..... luckily my stomach power is quite strong after suffering from intestinal infection two years back.... painful like mad.... its like giving birth... but no baby wanna come out that kind of pain..... cause i neber kanna anything after eating out on sunday.... but momma kanna intestinal infection..... she was so in pain that she have to take painkillers immediately.... otherwise will cannot make it.... lalalala..... So wats the moral of the story.... nothing... ...the end...

Deng deng deng deng..... deng deng deng deng...... tomorro is the day..... the day of the "Subaru Impreza Challenge"......the one which allows you to win a brand new car if you can be the last remaining person with the hand on the car.......

Well.... i sortof qualified for this challenge thingy..... by managing to be the ninth caller on the radio station 98.7Fm....which i thought that i would neber qualify....but den the opposite happened.... i qualified..... but this does not warrants me a chance to put my hand on the car.... tomorro there would be a draw for the final contestants out of a big number of ppl to be the final contestants for the challenge... but den hor... have to go for medical checkup... have to be at ngee ann city civic plaza at 8AM tomorro.... SO EARLY!!!....to register...

I believe that if i get to be one of the final contestants.... my destiny will be like this picture below...

Well........ may god bless upon on me the luck to make it to one of the final contestants so that i can at least get a 10% chance to try my endurance level... Xena power!!!!

May the force be with me!!

Well..... i feel pretty the screwed now..... feeling that the world is sometimes not fair to me..... and those ppl who are loners and ppl who warm up slower to other ppl around them......

Well...... i am those ppl who is slow to warm up and interact with other ppl and i prefer to be alone when i am with ppl who are too extrusive and hyper...i cant handle their need for everyone to be hyper with them..... which in the end would make me an unpopular person... hahaha...den nobody would care if i needed any care or concern.... and nobody would give me treats for no reason.... nobody would ask me if i needed something while they are out can sun bian get for me.... well.... that the fact lar.... when u are popular... ppl would do sun bian things for you.... when you are not.... even if it is beri beri the sun bian.... that person would find an excuse to reject your request..... so whats the moral of the story........... "Even if other ppl are not nice to you..... this doesnt give you the excuse not to be nice to other ppl... or even help other ppl sun bian do things for other ppl.... " The world does not revolve around me alone.... it contains other human beings... being jealous of others ppls haves and dont haves would not make the place a happier world.........

So... i must keep reminding myself that even if other ppl get more benefits than i do.... get more help den i do..... get more protection den i do.... get more popularity den i do..... it doesnt mean that i dunt mean anything to anyone out there in the world.... its just that it is not so obvious and known to me.....and that in the future... someone might do some favour out of sun bian for me....hahahhaha.... "The world is brighter on my side!!!".... haizz....

Well..... wondering why i am feeling this way..... its because i am jealous that nobody treats me well around here in SIA...... nobody treats me as a bonus item.... someone whom they like and treasure beri much....someone elses good friend....so this is pure jealousy..... in its purest form.... cold hard unloving jealousy.....so lalallallala.... neber fall into this pit of jealousy again...... the end......

Yours Truely.... jealous pefe

Its monday..... monday!!! another uneventful day for me... Well... i read through the rules and regulations for the Subaru WRX challenge in the morning today. Suddenly realise that if i managed to win the car, i would have to get the car registered withing three months and that i would be unable to exchange the car for cash...... which implys that i am unable to sell the car off if i get to win it..... so i am now thinking wether i should spend the effort of fighting for the car by standing in one spot until i get foot rot.... dislocated palm and shoulders just to sell off the car..... which i have no money to buy the COE... the road tax... the insurance... blar blar blar for....

Well.... if i am gonna go for the challenge... i must go for a medical checkup....and if i am not going for the challenge.... den can save the money to pay for the installments of the car which dad just bought lor..... Aiyah.. why he bother to go and buy the car so the fast for what..... scarly i win the challenge den get the car(wishful thinking).... den can just go and buy COE can already... somemore its a nice sporty like car... with the extra trimmings such as spoilers.. sport rims.... and cool bucket seats... In case you are wondering what bucket seats are.... it is those kind of seats which is sort of molded like the shape of the backside with a very high side..... which kinda makes it beri the hard to get out of the seat...

Haizz....i beri the mao dun.... so near yet so far...... think i need a sign from above to let me know if i got the chance to actually qualify for the final contestants thingy..... or got chance to actually win the damn car..... haizz...haizzz... haizzz.... zui jing bi jiao fan.... haha...

Well.... i have to agree that humans have berry good ways of decribing human behaviour. Such as the saying.... you reap what you sow.... or.... what goes around comes around....

Recently i have been observing mike's reactions to him asking taichi man to do work. He would give instructions to taichi man to do this do that.... den taichi man would answer okok... But den when mike ask taichi man back what he have done already.... he would definately reply saying that he already ask seb or ask sara already wether it is there or not..... den he would say that they say dun have lar.... they haben do lar.... den faking quickly pick up the phone and call whichever unlucky soul lar.... Well... at first mike thinking that ok.... taichi man is doing his work.... but den this kinda of reply always comes back.... which is not one time or two times but everytime.... and mike was starting to suspect whether that super skillfully operation person is really actually doing the work assigned to him.

Sometimes mike would ask him to explain to him what taichi man have done and the steps that he tok to come to whatever resolution to the problems that he had.... taichi man would fumble madly and cannot answer all his questions.... no matter how simple it is. Then i got the feeling that mike is finally understanding that taichi man is not skillfull at all. His IT knowledge is all blowhorn one.... only know how to talk dunno how to do... Den happily mike tell mag that he feels that taichi man cannot make it...cannot do work properly and learn fast enough.

Well...... i am glad that mike is finally seeing some light that was shrouded in smoke and grey paint.... and to learn that some ppl are not who they make themselves to be like. Just like how my personality is..... to forgive and to forget if you show remose..... but to comdemn and destroy if you try to fake it up.... Lalallala.... vengence is finally showing its face... hohohohohoho

Yeah!!! my exams are officially over!!!..... wuu huu... so whats next.... hmm..

Well.... this is the first time that i have ever studied so hard for a maths paper before... doing equations over and over again... time and time again.... nearly finished using half a folscap pad. But den did this hard work paid off.... the answer is yes and no!!!... cause i didnt managed to properly finish my maths paper during the exams.... and i forgotten how to do a few of those questions.... so sad... to think that i understood what the question wanted but i forget wats the application like....

Den comes the relational database paper... wah.... it was easy and hard at the same time cause there was this question 1 & 2 which i had no idea how to answer it... the rest of the questions were so easy that i couldnt believe my eyes.... hmmm

Next comes the paper that i didnt have the mood to study for.... i looked through the specimen paper and solutions and didnt felt that that kinda of questions would come out for the exam... but oh behold!!!... it came out exactly(fake) the same as the specimen with slight twists... haizz... dont think that i am going to pass this java paper... did i mention java..... actually i like to do java programming.... but i hate all the writing down of program codes on paper... so unfriendly...

Well.... alls done that has to be done.... has to let heaven or god to decide liao.... cannot complain..... can only regret... life is so full of regrets.... whoever does not have regrets does not have a heart.... or brain... hehe...

And by the way..... YES!!! YES!!! YES!!!.... i managed to qualify for the perfect ten Subaru impreza WRX challenge.... wuu huuu.... but den i dun think that i would manage to get my hand a chance to put on the car cause got so the many ppl qualified... and i dun think they would put so the many cars out there lor... surely got some other round of qualification thingy... haizz...well... thats all for today...